luminous minds

i thought about him on the el this morning, staring mindlessly sightlessly out of a window some kid had scratched his name into. "if i could, you know i would let it go, surrender" i never realized how many love songs u2 has written. and i never realized how sensual "blood of eden" is. i'm more than i am now. he makes me feel in brighter colors. i get happier, sadder, more frustrated by him than i'd ever thought i could. it's been three years since i even remotely had these kinds of feelings.

i suddenly realized i'd been sliding my hand sinuously up and down the metal pole next to my seat, blushed, pulled out a magazine. irony tp distract myself from him by reading about pat buchanan bitching 'cause he got called an extremist. jesus. if he's not, no one is.

the music is too beautiful. it hurts. god, i wanted him so badly last night, but i'm terrified by his impending visit. i want to curl up inside him, lose myself in him, taste and touch and smell him. i want to experience his tongue on mine. jesus, i sound like a 5-year-old -- i want, i want, i want. shit.

i get tied in knots when he doesn't answer my email. severe net weirdness and massive lag had me screaming at my terminal the other night. i talked jessie's ear off that night, calming down, getting the frustration out. i want immediate answers; he wants to think. he's a poli sci grad student with the mind of a librarian and the soul of a poet.

and the heart of a llama.


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