april
#91 April 1.
Everything will be fine.
#92 April 2.
I think I must be partly female.
My mood follows the inverse menstrual cycle. I feel crap for most of a month,
and then better for 4-5 days. I've also got strangely shaped genitals.
Basically, I'm fucked.
-Steven Snedker
#93 April 3.
Another evening , another unsuccessful attempt.....
I couldn't even throw myself of the top of a 12 floor building, even
though I wanted to die more than anything else in the world..I just
didn't have the guts...
I'm even a failure when it comes to killing myself < half-hearted laugh>
I wonder if there is a world record for the number of cop outs....
#94 April 4.
Maybe there is angst! Maybe the girl starts out looking for an end to
loneliness, and when an end is presented, she gets afraid that it won't
last, and thus sends the solution away if there is any excuse to do so.
So if the guy's smart, it's because he's:
- * got no chemistry
- * would ruin the friendship (LJBF)
- * just wants sex
If the guy is good-looking, she dumps 'im 'cuz:
- * he's not smart
- * he thinks I'm one of those fucking brainless bimbo sore-babes
And so on... any way to find justification to avoid the relation, since
she is actually afraid to start it.
-Xibo
#95 April 5.
#Ahem. As we women have mentioned before, there is a HUGE difference between
#being asked out because the fellow is interested in your personality and
#because he wants to jump your bones. Going out with someone for the sake of
#sex might help quiet raging hormones for awhile, but it will not provide the
#kind of companionship that soothes loneliness.
So what you're seeking is a non-sexual relationship that will end loneliness
but not satisfy your, uh, hormones?
That someone who thinks you're interesting enough to actually go to bed with
must be really bad, and someone who just wants to talk (and presumably do
his boinking elsewhere) is good?
What is it "you women" find so horrid about sex, anyway? Most of you end
up boinking stupid jerks anyhow. It's no secret that the dumber guys tend
to be better in bed, mostly because they get more babes and have more practice.
Are you advocating that people's relationships should just be asexual
friendships, and that boinking should be done only as a hobby with someone
you don't care about?
-Xibo
#96 April 6.
In fact, I can honestly say that I have never gone out with a woman for the
Wrong Reasons and have only very rarely gone out with one for the Right
Reasons, whatever they may be. It's not something I'm proud of or anything,
just a fact, probably having more to do with my own unadventurous spirit than
anything else. I mean, if I think I could possibly fall in love with some
woman, I can just about get up the nerve to ask her out. Otherwise, it is
simply *not* worth the aggravation and potential embarrassment.
In the exceptionally rare events in which strange women have forced their
attentions on me, I have not always been entirely unreceptive. I can think
of one incident about four years ago in a bar when my behavior could have
been viewed as bozic. I feel no particular shame now, but I recall thinking
even then that holding this (reasonably attractive) woman was a pretty lousy
substitute for holding the woman I was really lonely for. The experience
was entertaining and novel, but it also heightened my sadness, and made me
feel a little cheap. I can't see how people manage to do this sort of thing
for meaningless thrills.
-Paul Callahan
#97 April 7.
I've decided that dogmatic will to power and overman thinking is largely just
another religion. Why does there have to be some super purpose to human
existence?
It seems to me to be much closer to the truth to realize that there is no
supreme being, no purpose, no afterlife, and no journey to take to pass through
to become an overman or enlightened individual.
life's a fluke.
-Rodney Peck II
#98 April 8.
Despite all the social changes in our society in recent decades and the change
in public opinions about the "place" of each sex in society, we still largely
raise our children in the same way. Kids are still taught that the course of
life is supposed to be birth ->school->college->career & marriage->retirement
->death. We may have accepted that there are different ways of running one's
life for ourselves, but I still see a lot of my friends who have become parents
in the past few years raising their kids the same way we were raised. The ideas
and concepts may be out there, but nobody is putting them into practice.
The 'rents were thrilled to hear that I wanted to go back to school and that I
wanted to pay for it myself. "It will be an excellent way to advance your
career, you'll be so much better set for promotion", etc., etc. Imagine how
quickly their faces faded when I told them I just wanted to go back and study
something like Animation or Astronomy and it wasn't intended to be a career
move...."You're going to waste all that money on a degree that isn't going to
get you anything!!???" Well, it'll get me knowledge about something I'm
interested in. "I really think you should stop dreaming and be practical about
this."
-Stephen Okay
#99 April 9.
What a coincidence - I thought the same thing: "screw this shit: I ain't
gonna be no decrepit old fart and hit my 30's - I'll take the noble way
out!".
Well, a funny thing happens as you age: time becomes all distorted. When
you begin to work full time, Monday thru Friday, week in and week out,
you begin to lose tract of where you're at. One day you look at the
calendar and say "Wow - is it June already? - where has the time gone?"
[*JUST LIKE* your ol' man does now!] Sounds like Pink Floyd's Dark
Side of The Moon?.....
The irony awaiting you is when you look back from your 30's you'll
realize what a dumb, ignorant, little shit you were. This is funny
because right now you think you know everything. Then, when you hit
your 40's you'll think the same thing of yourself when you were 30.
Pretty soon you'll realize: You've become your old man.
And you say "humm - 40 isn't so old. I don't *FEEL* old".
-Tony J. Podrasky
#100 April 10.
> ObAngst: being married (read: chained), fighting, and not getting any.
> At least you single people have your freedom.
Yes, we're free to wonder if we'll spend the rest of our lives alone.
Free to listen to our parents ask "so why aren't you married yet? What's
wrong with you?". And if we're dating, we're free to worry about nearly
as many things as married people do, PLUS we can STILL worry about
spending the rest of our lives alone.
Gosh, isn't life FUN? I think I'll go drown myself in the toilet.
-Eric Murray
#101 April 11.
...No one else saw the joke. That's why he was lonely.
Heard a joke once: Man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems
harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world, where what
lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. Great
clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says "But doctor..."
"...I am Pagliacci"
Good joke.
Everybody laugh.
Roll on snare drum.
Curtains.
- From the DC graphic novel "Watchmen" by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
#102 April 12.
...I even forgot that death will be the only end to my pointless and futile
existence.
Until this morning, when I came in to work. The futility and
hopelessness of the real world came crashing back upon me. I briefly
considered hiding in the back of the machine room and slitting my
wrists. I decided not to, because I don't think anyone would notice
except the janitor who would have to clean up the blood.
-Eric Murray
#103 April 13.
Male-Female relationships explained: It boils down to this...
Male: I will give you (insert material good of your choice) in return
for sex.
Female: I will give you sex for (insert material good of choice).
And that is it.
-Lucifuge
#104 April 14.
I tried. It doesn't work. Since I have no chance of ever being
in a relationship at all, I'm not going to even try. In fact,
I'm going to be EXTRA-hostile to the idea just so I can make
sure that I don't get my hopes up. Yes, I'd love to be in
a relationship, even an lousy one. I'd also love to win the
lottery, even a little one. I know I'm never going to win
so I don't buy tickets anymore.
-Monty
#105 April 15.
Lovelorn Angst Rule #1: There are plenty of good women and good men out there.
Unfortunately, they are all hiding from each other.
Lovelorn Angst Rule #2: If you do find a good MOTAS (member of the angst-
inducing sex), chances are that he/she is already enamored with some creep
who treats him/her like dirt.
Lovelorn Angst Rule #3: If you get into a relationship with someone who seems
like a good MOTAS, you will soon find that you were deluding yourself and that
he/she is really a creep who treats you like dirt.
Lovelorn Angst Rule #4: Even when you discover that your beloved is really a
jerk, you will be so enamored by his or her good qualities that you will still
be obsessed by him/her many years after he/she has dumped you.
Lovelorn Angst Rule #5: Being lonely sucks. Being in a bad relationship sucks.
Your opinion of which is which is worse depends on which situation you are
currently in.
-T Carstensen
#106 April 16.
Or some nice girl shows interest in you but you're too far lost in your
dreams of the perfect girl to make the effort to go out with her, and then
later on, when you haven't met any MOTAS for the past two years, you think,
hey, maybe I should have made the effort when I had the chance.
Or you finally encounter someone who indicates obvious interest in you and
you're slightly attracted to them so you sort of go out and you're happy to
finally be going out with someone but it doesn't work out at all like you
imagined. You don't suddenly become a different person. You keep waiting
for some signal about the relationship and get none. Does she want to be
friends? get serious? Girls are supposed to be all keen about discussing
emotions so you make the effort, you ask her how she thinks the relationship
is going, she says "fine". After several months with no signals, having not
even gotten as far as holding her hand, you get tired, and use the classic
male technique of avoiding her. Hooray, now you're a cretin.
Of course that's only relationship angst.
Angst is also when you sit in your expensive apartment without a friend
within hundreds of kilometres so desperate for something to do you end up
watching infomercials.
-Rex Farmer
#107 April 17.
For how long have you been convinced that you are totally repulsive?
What influence does this feeling have upon your everyday life :
- - Are you often depressed or anxious about it?
- - Have you had suicidal thoughts?
- - How is your social behaviour affected by this belief,
do you socialize often, or try to avoid social situations?
- - What is your philosophy on life, do you consider it (life)
pointless or otherwise?
Do you attribute your predicament to anything you think may be wrong with
you?
Thanks,
-John P.Doherty.
I, for one, replied to the survey and related in great detail
the feelings of revulsion I inevitably arouse in females.
-Monty
#108 April 18.
By the way, you all don't really exist or anything, do you? In any
case, if you do, don't worry if I'm boring you. In half an hour this
program will be over, and maybe you'll find something on this channel
that you like better afterwards.
-Eric Boesch
#109 April 19.
Never ever bloody anything ever!
-Rik in the film "Mr. Jolly Lives Next Door"
#110 April 20.
So, are we all depressed & pissed off at the world? Life is really fucked.
Some things happened that I don' want to talk about right now, but why the
hell be optimistic when so many depressing things can happen? I was really
pessimistic once, and then I got better for some reason.. Well, it's not
worth it. Time to be pessimistic again. Fuck people. You can never tell
what they're going to do or how they're going to make you feel.
-Sam Hulick
#111 April 21.
Angst is not an external subject or a philosophical "school." To the degree
that it is anything, I think it's an overwhelming feeling ... like a bad
acid trip or hearing that your parents have just been killed or you're
about to be executed or imprisoned for life. It's also a feeling lots of people
seem to get after the syllogism of death hits home. To paraphrase Proust,
at first we feel: "All men are mortal, [fill in your name] is a man, therefore
[fill in your name] is going to die. But not [your name] who was called [nick-
name] as a two-year old, who had the little stuffed bear named [name] and went
to his aunt's house and ate those little cakes and went fishing with his father
..." not ME me, just abstract me dying abstractly but still I'm there watching
it all unfold.
And then it hits you and you realize it all really is in vain ... that you
are building sandcastles ... eternity follows you around and keeps you up
at night talking in your ear. You don't give a shit what Nietzsche or anyone
else had to say about anything ... all you care about is yourself, and you
realize how truly alone you are.
-David "Schopenhauer" Pennell
#112 April 22.
"Shitty day, Beth."
"Shitty day, Bill."
"How's the Void today?"
"Dismal, Bill, dismal."
"Die a slow painful death, Beth."
"Die a slow painful death, Bill."
#113 April 23.
The problem as I see it, is that the great majority of people are below the
intelligence required for sensible decisions to be made about who is going to
run our countries. Strange people get in because they are being voted for by
Alphas. These Alphas are of _normal_ (nominal?) intelligence and have normal
(no) drive/thrust/motive/interest in politics, the environment, ecology and
other topics which require curiosity, intelligence and drive. For many years,
it has been seen as a good thing for non-Alphas to limit their offspring,
whereas Alphas have been doing the rabbit-thing, as it were. We (I am so
pretentious) are our own worst enemy! What we should be doing is telling
Alphas to limit _their_ offspring and go into full steam production ourselves.
Of course, the only problem with this advice, is women. They generally act
very stupidly. I see them as the poison of humanity, mainly because of their
desire to mate with Alphas and thus lowering the general quality of their
offspring. Physically good women, _especially_ those with intelligence, should
seek out the intelligent men instead of the Alphas which they nearly all seem
to prefer. Just because someone is big, strong and macho does not mean that
they will make good mates/fathers/husbands. If only women could be
reprogrammed to be attracted to brain instead of brawn then this world could
stand a chance of evolving in a mature way instead of by a series of macho
confrontations and economic disasters. Basically it's ALL the fault of sex.
Any intelligent genes always seem to get diluted because of the sex attraction
process. This is very bad and keeps the racial intelligence low.
-Nick
#114 April 24.
The person who cares the least controls the relationship.
#115 April 25.
i am incapable of feeling anything, i am devoid of all sensation. i
will never again experience pain. nothing will hurt me again. i
also know that i will never feel anything good either. but i don't
mind. it is a small price to pay to be spared from the pain.
-Randy Tidd
#116 April 26.
People are stupid little reproductive units, doing their
little illusion-of-free-will pre-programmed reproductive dance.
Our only purpose is to make more little reproductive units as
fast as possible, while keeping all the other units from doing it.
Free will, philosophy, intelligence, and filmy black lingerie only
exist to enable us to make more little reproductive units faster.
-Eric Murray
#117 April 27.
> My friend has many misanthropic viewpoints, mostly related to
> humankind's destruction of the environment.
Oh, I see. I used to be a serious naturalist too. I got all upset
about the species that we've killed, the environments we're
despoiling. Then I discovered the nihilistic viewpoint that it really
doesn't matter. Unless you believe in a Higher Plan for the universe,
it really doesn't matter if the earth has it's current highly varied
ecology, or a monoculture of slime molds and cockroaches. Who can say
that a sperm whale or antelope is a more valid organism than the
cockroach? The organisms adapt to the environment- there is no 'good'
or 'bad', there's only 'successful' or 'extinct'. Humans will modify
the earth until we're extinct. Whatever's still around afterwards
will be more successful than we are.
-Eric Murray
#118 April 28.
Part of being so depressed (like I'm feeling right now) is I busy my life with a
hundred different obligations to a hundred different people or groups, so on any
given night there's somebody or some group of people expecting me somewhere. It
keeps my mind off being depressed for the most part, the downside being if I
really wanted to truly disappear I couldn't 'cause I'd be missed to easily.
Sometimes I wish I could do like my friend did when he killed himself and just
be forgotten about for a whole week and in the meantime just totally waste away
into the carpet and the floor, which have to get thrown out for sanitary reasons
and there's nothing left of you that anybody really wants to remember.
Sometimes I just wish I could disappear into the ether and just vanish and not
have anybody know where I was or care 'cause then that would at least be
consistent with what I get from the world the rest of the time... You're only
valuable to people when they risk losing something to torture or gush all
over...I'm really sick of getting to just be a placeholder in other peoples
lives..
-Stephen Okay
#119 April 29.
and to make it worse, none of this is anyone's fault. it just *is*,
and there's not a lot that can be done about it right now. so when i
say "bitch, moan, gripe, blah blah blah" and he says "you want out?"
and little icy knives go through my spine and i don't wanna even think
about it and he says "then deal," i know he's right. but it hurts to
deal with it. fuck rational logic.
i thought about my job today. i tried to imagine myself doing this for
any length of time. actually, i was thinking about how it would be
affected by election day, and i thought of all the phonecalls and rude
people between now and then and i just felt leaden. i don't hate the
job, i just don't like it. i've never had a job i did like, come to
think of it. it's not to the stage where the thought of going in to
work gives me nausea yet, but what am i sposed to do then??
and on top of all the lifestress and the absolute panic-stricken
terror i feel when i contemplate this weekend, when he'll be here, and
the disillusionment with my life and the stress of being only a year
from 30 now and wondering what the fuck it's all *for*, on top of all
that, on the one place i felt i could come and say whatever was in my
head i'm being told that i'm just not depressed enough, not angstful
enough. fuck it.
-sine
#120 April 30.
i am getting a migraine. i am beginning to see the pretty colors that are
surrounding everything in my vision. i can imagine the vice-like skull-
crushing pain that will soon be pouring into my cranium like wet cement.
i am beginning to feel the pulsing in my temples, and my temperature is
going up. this happens so often on a friday, when i have plans to go out
and enjoy myself. it's a post-stress thing, as though my mind says: "ok,
now that you are done with the hellacious week, you have time to have the
headache we've been wanting."
and there's absolutely NOTHING i can do about it.
bah.
-rachel perkins