march

#60 March 1.

After all, if you were a woman who wanted a life-partner (whether both spouses worked or not) you could depend on, particularly if you wanted children, would you go for a Nice Guy who let you (and everyone else) push him around, worried/whined a lot etc. or a mild-to-medium Asshole who you could at least trust to watch your back for you, provide a decent income (or portion of a joint income), a decent house for the kids etc.

I'm certain that most women who are looking for a male SO are looking for the Nice Guy of category one, so yes, I can agree (contrary to some postings in this group and elsewhere) that most women really are looking for a "nice guy" -- but again, the "perfect" nice guy. Being a strictly teddy-bear type of Nice Guy isn't going to hold most womens' interest for long, if at all -- if they want that kind of "devotion", they can always get a puppy.

So all you so-called Nice Guys out there who complain that women prefer Assholes to Nice Guys: Unless you're already a Nice Guy of category #1, you need to BECOME ONE if you're going to outdo the Assholes -- and outdoing the Assholes is what you need to do. So quit fartin' around, grow up and BE A MAN (be strong, act respectable, stand up for yourself, be dependable, quit whining.) As an earlier female poster said, DEAL.

Sorry, ladies, if I've given away any secrets here :-)

-Malcolm "total asshole" Carlock

#61 March 2.

So who are the "losers" hanging out with? The guys/women that they like the best. Come on. Learn a little. Instead of hanging around the bar with the other "safe" guys/girls, make friends with a super-stud and watch/learn/practice what he does. You'll hate it. You'll feel like a queer, maybe; but just do it. All the studly guys have a sidekick - being number two (eventually) is better than being one of the unseen pack. Pretty soon you will have enough of the mindset to foray out on your own. It's not a matter of becoming a jerk; it's a matter of learning a language of activity that gives you safety from abuse and offers a member of the opposite sex the same assurance around you - hence giving her the confidence to be around you. You are just as threatening to her as she is to you.

Just get a studly mentor and shadow him. I've known a few studly mentors who were really nice guys inside. One dated my sister for a long time, and that was fine with me.

-David Martin

#62 March 3.

Revlon - The difference between looking good and great.

#63 March 4.

Suicide is always a viable option, but not one to be taken lightly. Like any major decision it should be carefully considered. I do believe that one can rationally conclude that suicide is a preferred option.

Suicide can be the ultimate in self-expression. It can take the ultimate in self discovery to decide that suicide is truly the best option. Suicide isn't always the right thing, I have been hit by deep but short lived depressions which made me think about it. But I force myself to think it over and most of the time the depression burns off and the feelings go away. And so far the times that it hasn't I have been pulled up from the depths by my friends. I owe my life to those close to me, and I would give it up if it meant saving on of them. But in some cases life can seem so dark that there is no way back, you don't want to recover and no one can force you.

-Megazone 23

#64 March 5.

The thought that suicide is wrong is simply a product of Western civilization and religions.

It is up to each and every one of us to make the decision of whether or not to take their own life. I personally don't like those who decide for others. Talk to them, see if you can help solve their problems. If not, perhaps they'd be better off dead than living in a personal hell. Remember, what seems mild to you may be unbearable to them. Aned before you go off, I have attempted suicide in the past, about 8 years ago, when I was a loner. The failed attempt at overdosing scared me enough at the time to put off a second attempt. So I lived in a personal hell for 3 years. The past couple years have made it seem worthwhile but if I had died none of it would have happened and I wouldn't have missed it. And since I had no friends it wouldn't have hurt them.

-Megazone 23

#65 March 6.

I graduated in 86. It was a horrible affair because I didn't know any of the fellow graduates (not a one), or the school song they all sang, and when the ceremony was one, I walked around and couldn't find my mom (Only she and my old Algebra teacher, Mrs. Schmidtt from Gainesville Academy, had come with me) and saw all these other kids with their mothers and fathers and siblings and felt the deepest isolation you can feel and still be around people.

Seems this was to become a familiar feeling.

-Drifter

#66 March 7.

I made other friends... But I still get that horrible feeling inside. It'll come over me like an avalanche, a sudden crushing depression that makes me totally silent and alone. Perhaps it's clinical depression. I really don't want want to find out.

It's like... everything feels alone. Your heart, your mind, your soul. I need someone to hold onto, someone I can be with in a crowd or alone, and just touch and give pleasure to because I love her. I want a woman to sleep with me because she cares for me, not because she pities me. I gave up looking at the flesh long ago, and have found so many special people. Why can't someone do the same for me? Just for a while in my life... not forever. I don't need marriage, I don't want (and probably can't have) children. Just love and caring because of who I am.

But the meat gets in the way. I'm too fat, I'm too ugly, I'm too loud. I resemble more a troll than a man. Self-loathing is a horrible thing all right. And there's a lot of guilt along with it, because I know, I KNOW GOD DAMN IT, that there are so many that have it worse... The Elephant Man and his wishes to be human, the other freaks over the centuries... I feel ashamed of my own self-pity.

-Drifter

#67 March 8.

life's a bitch ... and then you commit suicide

- Rich "KHARE" Dodgin

#68 March 9.

You're only going to live once. There's a HELL of a lot of things you can do with your life, but there're also a hell of a lot of things most people will never do because they're afraid to, or society will condemn them (same thing, in the end). So why not do all the things you were afraid to do before, if you're at the point of suicide?

Hey, have fun with your last days/weeks/however.. Bounce checks, if you're so inclined. Run naked through the streets. Try drugs, if you never have before and want to experiment. Go up to total strangers and act REALLY weird, just to see what they'll do. (You might make a friend or two this way, incidentally.) Flunk school exams and laugh about it.. what the hell, they're certainly not going to be important if you're dead! So why should they be important now?

Look at what's causing you stress. It's not going to cause you stress if you're dead, so why should you let it cause you stress now?

Anyways, if, after you've done all the things you wanted to, but were afraid to, you STILL want to commit suicide.. then that's your way out. But it's a waste to die having the opportunity to do so many things, and passing them up.

-Todd W. Thompson

#69 March 10.

Now, if the guy gets the girlfriend, the game ("game"! ha!) changes. His mates start talking about "don't let her trap you into marriage". The old, old idea that women trap men in marriage is still with us. "Men just want Sex, women just want marriage", so they say. So, now, he's got to play it cool again. "Yeah, maybe I'll be there". i.e., "you don't mean so much that I am going to follow you round like a dog". Men start worrying about becoming "domesticated" and "dependent". "She's really got him hooked now - he's always following her about". "He" doesn't want to be thought of by his friends as "hooked", so he (wait for it) plays it cool. And, of course, this means she has to hold on to him. She has to call him, she is the lucky one if he spends time with her. Men love that sort of power/image. "She's always calling me up, can't get enough of me". Now HE's playing her along, he has got her hooked - not the other way round. A lot of men worry about being "caught" by women, and really don't want to settle down. They will fight against anything which attempts to control them, or organize them, or restrict them.

-John Davies

#70 March 11.

There are people in whom I've found no discernible originality, and it wasn't for lack of looking. I'm sure everyone contains the seeds of originality, but many people have suppressed it, or else had it beaten out of them at an early age.

Anyway, what's wrong with being unoriginal? God knows, the world has plenty of use for people who are competent in some established area and are willing to spend their time doing it. In my opinion, originality by itself is neither necessary nor sufficient to be a worthwhile human being.

-Paul Callahan

#71 March 12.

"The suicide threat via computer tied up many hours of counseling and public safety staff time to follow up on your well being."

"I see the purpose (of what I put on the computer) as to disrupt the workings of our office, or to retaliate, not as a request for help."

"We have reached the obvious conclusion that the student counseling center cannot serve you. I regret the waste of our time and yours, but this abuse of our service must end. You are not to call the center or request counseling services. (you may not review your records)."

-Unknown bureaucrat to an alt.angst reader/writer/performer.

#72 March 13.

So I got in a tub, sliced myself open, and lay in the water.

The initial shock is strange a burning sensation up your arm that spreads throughout your body.

At first it stings a bit, then it goes numb. All I could think of was how black the water looked. I was getting cold and starting to black out. I looked to my left and saw my little sister who was standing there in shock looking at me in a way that can not be described.

I blacked out at this point and can only remember bits and pieces, like my mom crying, dad yelling for her to shut up.

I remember being taken from my home past all the onlookers and feeling the greatest amount of shame.

My girlfriend was sitting on the lawn of my home in a state of shock with my friends around her.

The next thing I remember is sitting up in the intensive care unit, a few days later with large bandages on my arms.

It doesn't really matter why I did what I did, but now I have to live with the shame Of doing it.

I rarely wear short sleeves for my scars would show, I was in the park one day with short sleeves on and a little girl asked me what happened to my arms , her mother saw me and dragged her away before I could answer, you can not imagine how that made me feel, It was like killing myself all over again. My sister was really never the same so I fucked her life along with mine.

It is not really worth it.

#73 March 14.

No One knows but those who can't tell us.

-Andy Hawks

#74 March 15.

About life being precious: well depends upon who is buying. And what life. Life in general seems awfully common to me. Particular lives, that i have dealt with are precious to _me_ they may not be precious to others.

-mark the damned
"doesn't matter if we all die"

#75 March 16.

> Life is so precious..to take it away is just such a waste.

That is an arbitrary statement of value. Not everyone feels that life is precious. Some feel that nothing actually has value. Value is something we create in our minds.

-Megazone 23

#76 March 17.

The funniest part is I don't really know how I feel.

Numb, I feel numb that's the closest I can come to a description. Here are some of the symptoms:

1) I constantly feel tired although I sleep about as much as I used to.

2) Everything is meaningless.

3) I can't do things that I used to be really good at (i.e. math, computer programming, everything else.)

4) I haven't taken any drugs or alcohol recently. And I never really took many drugs, nothing stronger than marijuana and the last time I had marijuana was over a year ago.

5) I've just come from a week in school were I was so nervous, I was light-headed, me knees are so week I have to concentrate to walk.

6) I've been watching A LOT of television, even more than I used to and I"m watching a lot of crap I wouldn't normally watch.

That's as close as I can come to describing how I feel. Anyone else ever feel like this? Does it ever end?

whine, whine, bitch and moan...

-Tony

#77 March 18.

> That's as close as I can come to describing how I feel.
> Anyone else ever feel like this? Does it ever end?

nope, it never ends.

oh, sure, sometimes it goes away.. but it always comes back, even worse than it was before.

you're doomed.

might as well end it now.

-jason downs

#78 March 19.

For being sensitive and understanding, one generally ends up being taken for granted, unappreciated, lonely, and inevitably, depressed. The opposite sex, at least from a male perspective, tend to ignore a person who adopts this stance, opting instead for those of us who treat the world in a use and abuse fashion. Speaking as a student, I am aware, that as time goes on, women eventually realise the error of their ways, but in the turbulent years of young adulthood, the stone wall of loneliness awaits one, without ever seeming to come to an end, except in the 'distant' future. The only choice available, is to either turn into a not very nice person, and adopt use and abuse ignorant behaviour, which then entitle one to all of the superficial pleasures of life, or, if one can't do that, embark upon the path of depression, become even more introverted, and reach a stage, where the only dominating feeling is one of utter negativity. Eventually one reaches the stage, where suicide seems the only way out of a miserable indifferent life.

So, whilst there are depressions arising out of neuroses and chemical imbalances, perhaps also, there are depressions that come out of only the purest of intentions.

Of course, I could be wrong.

-John P. Doherty.

#79 March 20.

My life is completely meaningless. When I consider its various epochs, then my life goes like the word Schnur in the dictionary, which means firstly a string, and secondly a daughter-in-law. The only thing missing is that the word Schnur in the third place should mean a camel, and fourthly a dust brush.

-S0REN KIERKEGAARD

#80 March 21.

Newsgroups: alt.suicide.holiday
Date: 13 May 92 01:27:39 GMT

well , i'm sitting hetre with blod dripping off my wrists into my bin ...
i've had a lot to drink so excuse bad spellin....

ive had enough,,,,,,im going to stay here till i die

ojnly thing is im worried incase i regrete ut,,,
wish me lyuck....

#81 March 22.

My attitude isn't 'I want to die' or 'I want to live' but 'If I die in the next second, what will I care?' So I take risks, and I have a reckless attitude about death. It shows in the way I live my life, my driving, scaling buildings, leaning off of cliffs, etc. I don't want to die, but if I did it wouldn't really bother me.

-Megazone 23

#82 March 23.

Don't you see? It doesn't even matter if you ever get the courage to talk to her. It doesn't matter if she says she loves you and makes you happy and you spend the rest of your life with her.

In 100 years you'll be dead.
No matter what you do, in 150 years your name will be forgotten.
The Earth is only going to last another 4 billion years before the Sun goes red Giant and swallows it up.
In 100 billion years at the outside, there won't be enough free energy in the universe to sustain life. It'll all be over and there'll be noone left even to know its all over.
Our lives are insignificant.
No one cares.
Suicide is the most meaningless act of all.

Have a nice day.

-Eric Akawie

#83 March 24.

You know, I'm sitting here and you're sitting there and you're probably wondering what the hell I'm trying to say because I'm being so damn incoherent; but I can't help it, because what I'm trying to express is
inexpressible, unutterable, because what that little girl must feel knows no depths and no bounds and will never end, will just keep on and on and on, because the pain will continue throughout the rest of her life and after her death, will continue forever because it's seven human beings that have been destroyed, not six; and the worst of it is was that THERE WAS NO REASON FOR IT, it just happened, that's all, just happened; just something else that happened on another day, another dollar, don't worry about it all, just rationalize it away and remember to forget it, forget that it never happened, never mind the fact that her pain will never end because it's simply too deep and too vast and is simply unanswerable,
irrefragable,

-John

#84 March 25.

and you, you whoever you are will go home to your houses and your families and your own lives and have dinner and go to sleep and wake up the next morning and maybe think about her and have breakfast and go out to do whatever you have to do, and the world will continue on like it always does, and the next day you'll think about her a little less, and then a little less still, until she's quickly buried by the next tragedy that comes along, and the world will spin on and on and on,
and her pain will be the same, the same as it ever was, and nothing will change, because it can't change, because the pain is and will be, because everything's just everything, because everything just is, because nothing can ever make it right for that little girl again.

-John

#85 March 26.

Unfortunately I don't have the guts just now ... give me a week to work up to it ... and who knows ... I may be able to ruin my personal tutor's and councellor's careers in one go !!!

I feel like shit I'm sorry to say
Do you think I like feeling this way?

#86 March 27.

Well here I am again.......... all my faith in human nature and relationships shattered once again. i wonder how long it's going to take for me to finally realise how little I'm worth to people.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I've had enough.Of EVERYTHING. I just seem to be wasting mine (and everyone else's) time by being alive...

The annoying thing is I no longer have the guts to end it .....
I've probably been brainwashed by my councellor....

I know that i should be happy that i'm not doing "anything stupid" , but it just makes the despair even more unbearable........

I'll just have to go to bed and cry myself to sleep....

Bye for now,

#87 March 28.

I cannot tell you to do this or to do that, nor tell you that the things which affect you should *not* affect you if you do not wish it.

What I can tell you is that (IMHO) things are not at a dead end. Maybe you in some way realise this? If people are making you feel the way you are then you have a number of options, you can distance yourself from these people, or you can make these people aware of what they are doing to you. If they are your friends then they should respect your feelings.

As your friend I respect your privacy. I wish, as your friend, I could give you some of my optimism for the future. I cannot, all I can do is express to you my optimism for your future. There is not much more that I can say...

-Eric Kendrick

#88 March 29.

Remember, when you stare into the void,
it totally ignores you, after all, its a void.
It can't do anything, you're just wasting your time staring into blank nothingness. Don't you feel stupid now having expected some deep moving Nietszche-esque experience and getting nothing?

-Stephen Okay

#89 March 30.

> When the Universe starts being *this* nice to me, I can only assume
> that it's just setting me up for a bigger fall.
> But when?

Angst and shit are very Newtonian. Equal and opposite reactions all the time. Nature abhors an angst vacuum. You have been warned.

-Stephen Okay

#90 March 31.

"most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives, the rest is filler, and at the end of our lives, most of us will be lucky if any of those moments connect together to form a story that anyone would find remotely interesting."
-Douglas Coupland, "Generation X"

april

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